Poker Jokes and Quotes

[nancycarell84]

I hope you don't make love the way you play tournaments... all in and done in under a minute.

[nancycarell84]

I've had more flushes sucked out of me than a public toilet.

[nancycarell84]

I wouldn't wipe my a** with those cards if I was out of toilet paper.

[nancycarell84]

Some cowboys were playing poker in an Old West saloon. One of them laid down the winning hand, and another jumped up, yelling, “He’s cheatin! He aint playin the cards I dealt him!”

[nancycarell84]

A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”

[nancycarell84]

In a book store:
“I am looking for the book named 'How to win easily and fast with poker.'
Clerk says: “Please check the science fiction section.”

[nancycarell84]

Someone bets, say, $35. Some other guy, a player at the back of him will say, "I was going to call $34, but $35 is just too much."