Poker Jokes and Quotes

[iGaming Diva]

Members please fell free to post your jokes and quotes!

We want to slap our knees in laughter!

Bring it on!

[iGaming Diva]

Charles 'Chic' Murray quoted:

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

[iGaming Diva]

One day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!" A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. "Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?" "No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

[iGaming Diva]

"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."
— Gloria Steinem

[iGaming Diva]

A blonde woman was on a girls’ weekend in Las Vegas. She stood in front of a candy machine, put in two quarters, turned the knob, and a candy bar fell out. She repeated the process, and again a candy bar fell out.

Elated, she tried again as a man approached, saying, “Excuse me miss, what are you doing?”

She said, “Hello! I’m winning here!”

[iGaming Diva]

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

A bingo machine

[iGaming Diva]

What are vampires playing poker for?

High stakes.

HAHAHAHA